депрессия! Within the Katsudon
by Mirienka2
Summary: Yuri should have been glad, honored even, to have the living Ice Skating legend, his idol, coach him. He should have been ecstatic, ready to face whatever his new obstacle life threw at him. He should have, that is. So why wasn't he? Viktor. He had to impress him, loose weight, hide his insecurities. He couldn't show the Russian how hopeless he really was.
1. Chapter 1

Happy. That was an overused word in the world. Happy. It was as if everyone should be happy and use the word happy as many times as they could. Happy. But Katsuki Yuri wasn't happy.

Sure, he was happy when his life long idol, ice skating legend Viktor Nikiforov, showed up at the onsen, announcing that he was going to be his coach (actually, he was surprised then, and happy later) but it wasn't often Yuri felt that way.

He got bullied as a kid for being fat, and steered away from people, and had ever growing trust issues. It was hard for him to make friends, he was never really one to put himself...out there.

But he had Takeshi and Yuuko, wasn't that enough?

He had Vicchan, too. Wasn't that enough?

So many questions, not enough answers.

After a but, Yuri went into competitive ice skating. He was doing so well. Made a new friend, had a good coach, he even made it to the Grand Prix Final! Things were starting to look up.

But life is filled with peaks and valleys (AN: Esperanza Rising thou.) and one of those valleys was Vicchan's death.

It had thrown the young Japanese man off. He flubbed his performance, landing in last place. He cried.

He cried, just to be yelled at by some Russian teen that told him to retire.

But he couldn't.

Seeing his idol, Viktor, treat him like any old fan - not a fellow ice skater - he almost wanted to retire.

But he resorted to something else instead.

Crimson blood stained his jacket sleeve.

He'd show the world what he was capable of.


	2. Chapter 2

Ch 2: расстройств пищевого поведения (eating disorders)

Loose weight.

Viktor wanted him to loose weight.

He'd faced this obstacle before. So much so, that he really couldn't call it an obstacle anymore.

So simple. He'd done it so many times.

Most included not eating, or throwing up.

Yuri realized long ago that he gained weight very fast, just like his mother. But, unlike his mother, he hated it, wouldn't stand for it, and was very self conscious about it. (He was sure his mom had insecurities, but his were through the roof)

So, this was the reason he had been avoiding food the entire day.

He ran, did his one-foot hops on the benches near Hasetsu Castle, ran some more, did Karaoke (exercise thing, not singing. Its where you switch feet while running side ways, I hate it) and after a while, went home.

He didn't really want to, because he knew wait awaited him there.

"Oh, Yuri! You're home!" Hiroko (his mom) greeted him sweetly. "You must be hungry after all that exercise! I'll make you a healthy dish!"

...and he couldn't- wouldn't - deny his mother.

"Thanks mom." Yuri said with a forced smile.

"Yuri~" Someone called.

Not just _someone_ , that voice was all too familiar.

"V-Viktor."

Dammit, why did he stutter?!

"You're finally home! I've been waiting for you all day~!" He whined. "Makkachin missed you too!"

Yuri chuckled, shaking his head. What a child Viktor is.

But, that was a good quality, in his eyes.

The food his mother was good, he hated himself for eating it, knowing that he was just going to throw it up right after.

"Thanks for the food, I'm going to go wash up." The youngest Katsuki child announced.

"Yuri~ will you sleep with me tonight?" Viktor asked (again).

He sighed, embarrassed. "No, Viktor."

And proceeded to do his business.


	3. Chapter 3: 手首を切る

Ch 3: Tekubi o kiru (to cut the wrist)

Yuri stared at himself in the mirror. What a disgusting creature he was. Or, that's what he thought he was. He had marks all over his abdomen. Not just from loosing and gaining weight, but from cutting. He always told people they were from the weight gain/ loss and they believed him. Of course they would. To them, (them being the people in Yuri's inner circle) Yuri was a nice, chubby boy who had weight problems. He would never lie, he was too nice.

Yuri couldn't remember exactly when he started cutting. Sometime around the Grand Prix in 2015? No, it was that day he had flubbed and Yuri Plisetsky told him to retire. He didn't know what came over him. Maybe the thought that the Russian Punk was right just sent his mind into overdrive?

What ever it was, it stuck with the Katsuki son and he still felt the need to punish himself.

...and that bring us back to here.

Even with the knowledge he had gained over the years, Yuri still resorted to this. It made him feel better, in a sense.

"Disgusting."

Viktor can never see me like this. He'd hate me forever.

And yet...he couldn't stop.

Kami help me.

"Yu~ri." Viktor called out to his student as he opened the door to his room.

"Mm?" Yuri hummed in response.

"Is something wrong? You've been awful quiet today. Is something wrong?"

Yuri didn't panic, he was used to his family coming and asking what was wrong. He got used to telling lies to cover up his...his...what would he call this exactly?

"No, I'm ok. Actually, I was thinking of going over to Ice Castle Hasetsu right now." Yuri stated, getting up from his bed.

Viktor blinked, then smiled. His student was so responsible when it came to practicing. "Ok! Let me go get my jacket and we'll be off!"

Yes, he was good at fooling people.

 _Worthless, worthless, worthless!_

He had messed up three of his jumps.

 **Three**!

How could Viktor ever want to deal with someone as talentless as him?

Useless, worthless, good for nothing Katsuki Yuri?!

Yuri glared at himself in the mirror. He couldn't get **anything** right.

As if having a mind of its own, his hands reached for blade in his cabinet.

 _I'm not deserving of Viktor. He's been so good to me, but all I've been doing is_ _ **failing**_.

Drip...

Drip...

Drip...

The young raven haired man watched as his blood dropped down his arm and into the sink of the bathroom.

This relieved him. Why would he wasn't to stop? This was a punishment for being so damn useless.

This was Katsuki Yuri.


	4. Chapter 4: Russian Yuri

Ch 4: России Юрий (Russian Yuri)

Everything was going pretty well. Great, actually. Yuri was finally at his targeted weight and that meant Viktor would finally let him skate!

Yuri ignored the obvious hunger tugging at his being and ran into the door of the Ice Castle, ignoring the many reporters and paparazzi.

"I'm finally at my old weight! Hopefully Viktor let's me go on the ice finally!" Yuri prayed.

 **Blam**!

 _What the hell just happened?_

Pain shot in his head as a foot came in contact with it.

Who was this blonde, edgy teenager?

 **Line break**

Yuri was on edge.

Who did this guy think he _was_?! Showing up in _his_ home town, shouting demands, acting as if _he_ was the most important thing in the world?! And he wasn't, in fact, so why was he here?

To take Viktor.

He wanted Viktor.

Yuri Plisestky.

"Yuri Purisetsuki." The Japanese man mumbled into his pillow. He was currently in his bed, contemplating suicide. No, he wasn't actually, but he might, if push came to shove. ( **AN: I will kill your friends and family to remind you of my love~ oh, we weren't singing Hamilton? Ok..**.)

"Yuri! Come down stairs, dinner is ready!" He heard his sister through the door.

"Alright..." He grumbled.

 **line break again**

"Vkusno!"

Yuri smiled. He couldn't deny, Viktor's childish antics could be pretty amusing.

"These pork cutlet bowls aren't half bad." Yuri Plisestky complemented (?), taking another bite.

"I know, right! They are the best, Yurio!" Viktor exclaimed.

"Don't call me Yurio!" Yurio yelled.

"It's such a cute nickname! Don't you think so, Yuri?"

"Hey, I don't need that pig's opinion!"

Yuri winced. Even after loosing all that weight he was still denounced as a pig. That's all he'd ever be, huh?

"Hey, Yuri, come help me with Yurio's room." Mari called.

"C-coming." Yuri stumbled, trying to get up.

 _Why did Viktor even come here? Yurio's the one with the talent. He's more promising than me._

Yuri sighed, then decided to go out for a run (and Makkachin tagged along).

"Hey, where did Yuri go?" Viktor asked, realising his student was gone.

"He went out a little while ago." Mari answered, picking up the used dishes.

"Oh? Is that so?"

"He usually goes out like this, there's no need to worry. But he didn't even touch his food..."

Viktor stood up. "Any idea where he went?"

"Hmm, well, he could be at Minako's or the Ice Castle."

"Thank you."

 **AN: that's all for now. Also...FRIKIN EPISODE TWELVE OMGSKCKSNDKD! SEE YOU NEXT LEVEL!**


	5. Chapter 5: Muyō, mu kachi

Ch 5: 無用、無価値 (Useless, worthless)

 **AN: Happy birthday, Viktor! Otanjobi omedeto, Vik-chan! s dnem rozhdeniya, Vitya! (Google translate for Russian, lol) without further adieu~**

Viktor watched carefully as Yuri skated calmly across the ice. He looked so peaceful, so beautiful.

Yuri had trouble making friends, he was told, but why was that? Yuri's a nice kid. There's no real reason not to like him.

"Thank you, I feel like I know Yuri better now." With that, the platinum blonde left.

Really, though, Viktor was very confused still. How did Yuri only manage to make so little friends?

...Was it because he was a chubby kid? _No, that's no reason to not like a person!_

Viktor sighed, maybe he should ask Yuri? No, he shouldn't ask something so personal...right?

They had a coach-student relationship, nothing else. He shouldn't try to push it.

Yet.

-line break

Eros.

He had to perform fucking Eros.

'What's so wrong with Eros?' you may ask. Well, it's simple, really. Katsuki Yuri wasn't Eros. Christophe Giacometti was the fucking epitome of Eros. Yuri wasn't like that! He was just...Yuri.

He couldn't make friends. He couldn't stop himself from getting fat. He couldn't make himself good enough. He wasn't good enough. He wasn't Eros. He was useless and worthless.

But somehow, Viktor thought he could preform Eros. Really! He'd be lucky if he could even get _Agape_ right!

Why did Viktor think he could do it?

-–—- line break

"Yuuuuuriiiii." Viktor called.

"Hn?"

"Yurio and I are about to go out. Are you coming or what?"

"Huh? To where?"

"To see what kind of good food we can eat! Everything in Hasetsu is just so vkusno!"

Yuri's heart dropped. He couldn't go out to eat, even though he really, _really_ wanted to.

"Ah, no. I'm good. Thanks for offering though, Viktor."

"Awww. Ok! Call if you change your mind, kay my little piggy~." With that, the Russian left.

Little piggy? Was he _still_ fat even after depriving himself?!

He couldn't do anything right!

Yuri locked himself in his bathroom.

 _Worthless, useless! You can't do anything right and you_ _ **never will!**_

Blood dripped from the Japanese's thighs.

He deserved this.

...He was so useless he couldn't even stop self-harming.

"I'm a useless, useless child..."

 **(AN: eyyyy Kikuo songs are the best. Get it? "You're a useless child" by Kikuo ft Miku! No one? Oh...ok. bye! Merry Christmas! Feliz Navidad! Merry Christmas in Japanese is just "Merri Kurisumasu". Bye!)**


	6. Author's note, im sorry

Author's note

I can't believe this. I'm doing the one thing I hate most. You know that feeling. When that fanfic you really enjoy _finally_ updates and it's an A/N and you just **dksbdxsnsksixsnsjsj FUCK!**

SORRY!

Anyway, I have been writing, bit by bit. I know you are all waiting for a new chap, and I am writing it, I promise. I just have been going through some stuff. Number one being depression, two being school. I really like my homeroom teacher, but we have this essay to write and I **RAH!** Ya, so... I'm in AVID, and I have to do advanced stuff and I just did my community service. Anywho, I hope you all understand and be patient plz.

Like, I stepped out of the fanfic world for a split second and came back like "WHAT'D I MISS?"

If any of you want to PM me, that's fine.

\- (I go by many names, my real name being Miah, My-uh. But you can call me Mayo, Mirienka, or Mae) MF


	7. Ch 6: Эрос разинувАгапэ (Eros Agapé

Ch 6: Эрос ≠ разинув/Агапэ (Eros ≠ Agapé)

 **A/N: guys I am soooooo sorry! It's been forever since I updated and I didn't realize how bad some of you wanted more of this story ;-;. I've been distracted with school and summer messed me up so bad. I wasn't eating, I self harmed, all in all, I wasn't taking care of myself and didnt really have inspiration. I'm trying, though. I almost lost one of the most important people in my life, but I think we're friends again? Anyway, here's another chapter of Depression! Within the Katsudon.**

 ** _Enjoy_** **!**

I sat on my bed, my heart racing. I don't regret agreeing to the competition, (though I really didn't have a choice) my mind was saying otherwise.

Why is Viktor even here? Is this just for fun? He should just choose Yurio and go back to Russia.

Though I had shown confidence when speaking my side of the deal, I let all the insecurities and tears out when I got home and into my room.

"Yuri~!" Viktor called. "Let's sleep together!"

My head turned to the door. "No thanks, Viktor."

"Awwww~ Yu~ri." The Russian whined.

"Viktor, please." I pleaded. This really wasn't the time. In fact, there really wasn't ever a time for this.

I heard my idol sigh and then a faint "OK..."

Kami, why can't I do anything right?

"Oyasumi, Vicchan." I yawned, collapsing onto the bed.

- **line break** -

Katsudon.

Why, oh why did I say Katsudon of all things?!

Now the name calling will never stop. Even if I somehow win with katsudon, the teasing won't cease.

Knowing Viktor, he'll probably think it's a cute nickname and I'll never live it down.

Yurio is always insulting me, so that gives him new material.

This is all my fault. I should have just quit. Viktor is wasting his time...

"Yuri." I heard him say from outside my bedroom door.

"Yes?"

"Can I come in?"

It didn't sound like he was trying to sleep with me like usual. He didn't have that mischievous tone when he spoke.

"You may."

Viktor opened the door and closed it behind him.

"Tell me, Yuri, do you always spend this much time in your room?" Viktor asks, sitting next to me on the bed.

I chuckle lightly. "Well, I usually spend most of my ice skating or dancing. I just finished college, so all I'm doing now is skating. When I'm not, though," I sighed, "I'm in my room. It's refuge." I looked back at Viktor. "Does it seem like I spend a lot of time here?"

"Well, you always decline my invitations to go out with Yurio and I."

"I need to focus on skating, and you two have perfect bodies, but if I get distracted, I'll mess up all the progress I've made. Besides, mama makes plenty good food here, I don't really need to go out." I wasn't lying. Mom is an amazing cook, and I get fat so easily. I don't want to screw up.

"But Yuri, you know Hasetsu better than I do, can't you show us around?"

I looked at Viktor. Damn those cute eyes of his.

"I can show you around some more..." I sighed.

Honestly, this was a small town, what did he need a tour guide for?


	8. Chapter 7: I Didn't Bleed Today

I wrung my hair out, thankful for the privacy I was getting to change. Why did Viktor say a waterfall in the first place?

I smiled a bit. So this is what Yurio was going through. It wasn't too bad, though. Maybe it's because I'm Japanese that I'm more lenient with these things. I suppose Russia isn't the same way. Yurio probably never experienced a proper temple discipline before coming to Hasestu.

After changing into some long-sleeved pajamas, I flopped onto my bed, my eyes closing.

My eyes snapped open, however, at the sound of whimpering at my door.

I got up and opened the door. "Ah, Makka, you scared me." I smiled at him, laughing at myself for being startled by a poodle.

"You wanna sleep with me again, huh? It's still pretty early. I guess you're tired, too."

Makkachin scampered in and I closed the door after him.

 _Vicchan..._

I missed her still. The last time I saw her was right before I left for Detroit. It still weighed on me. In one day, I lost my beloved dog and completely bombed the Grand Prix Finals.

Makkachin's bark snapped me back to reality and I went to lay with him in my bed.

I yawned, pulling the blanket over both of us. "Goodnight Vicchan..."

* * *

The next morning I woke up fairly early and went on a run with Makkachin.

 _Run, fatass!  
_

I bit my lip. That's all I'd ever be.

I pushed myself harder and harder, but all anyone ever seemed to see was my weight. That's all I could see, now.

 _Piggy._

 _Katsudon, really? All you can think of is food, fatty._

 _Oh wow, never thought I'd see a pig on the ice._

 _How has it not cracked yet? That much weight._

 _Katsuki? More like Kabuta Yuri!_

"Ah!" I yelped out in surprise, falling onto the cement, my hands burning. Makkachin rubbed his nose on my arm, showing concern.

"I'm ok, I'm ok."

But was I, really?

After that fall, I decided it was time to go back home.

"Yu~ri!" Viktor chimed, peeking into my room as I began to unzip my jacket.

"V-viktor!" I quickly clung to the sides of the jacket. "Knock please!"

"Haha, sorry, you're just so cute when you're embarrassed."

 _A compliment?_

"Viktor..."

"Awww~ fine, I won't look if it's that important to you."

"It is, thanks."

"Have fun changing, Yu~ri."

I felt my face heat up. How could I possibly have fun doing that?

I heard the door click shut and I sighed in relief. I quickly went to lock the door and resumed my activity.

After finishing, I walked down into the main room where a few guests were drinking and watching TV.

"Oi, katsudon!" I heard Yurio call out.

"Yes?" I turned to the 15-year-old.

"We need to talk."

 **A/N: I'm sorry that I'm putting these out so slow. The second term of school started, and in my high school, we get new classes (unless you're in a year-long class like I am with AVID) so I'm getting into the groove of things haha. I'm also dealing with personal stuff, I have some mental health issues, which for the most part is my inspiration for this story. I will try to write more and manage my time better. For now, please be patient and thank you for reading my story!**


	9. Chapter 8: A Talk That Haunts The Dead

**(A/N: I was re-reading this story and I** **realized I** **kinda went from 3rd person** **to** **first person and I** **didn't** **really announce who's POV it was, you had to figure it out. From now on, I** **will put the POV change if there is one. Also, I** **switched out of my abusive AVID class!)**

 **3rd person**

Yuri looked at the young Russian boy. What would he have to talk about? Yurio doesn't even like him, why take the time to have a one-on-one conversation with him?

"Come with me to somewhere less...populated," Yurio added as he started to walk away.

Yuri followed Yurio reluctantly. He was sure that if he didn't, the teen would be very upset.

And who knows what we happen then.

Yurio led the Japanese man upstairs and into his temporary room. "Here's good."

The teen turned his senior, face seemingly unreadable.

"S-so, what is it?" Yuri was anxious.

"This isn't about the competition, piggy. It's about you and the old man."

Yuri cocked his head. "What about us?"

"He came all this way, to a small town, for you and you pay him no mind whatsoever! Why are you ignoring him, huh? It's not like I care about him, but his whining is getting on my nerves, and if you won't fix this, then I'll have to!"

Was he serious? There's no way this could be a joke. Yurio didn't seem the type to care, but maybe he was just a tsundere.

"I'm not ignoring h-"

"Don't give me that bullshit!" The younger interrupted. "I've had to go out at night with him so many times because _you_ wouldn't! I don't care about what you two do in your spare time, but I sure as hell don't want it to interfere with mine. Dumbass. Settle your differences or whatever so Viktor can go back to coaching me properly!" Yurio nearly spat. "I don't know what he sees in you."

"You make it seem like we're some sort of couple." Yuri chuckled, Yurio scowled. "Thank you for your concern, Yurio. I'll talk to Viktor, but I assure you I have no problem with him. We'll be out of your hair soon."

"Ugh, whatever." He turned his head and cross his arms. "I'm going to the skating rink."

Yuri stood there in Yurio's "room" for a while after that, then made his way to his own room.

He _had_ been ignoring Viktor, hadn't he? Damn it. Yurio was right. What did Viktor see in him? Nothing, probably. He was a waste of time. The Japanese man ran his thumbs over his thighs, feeling the marks he had made through the fabric of his pants.

A failure, a disappointment. That's what he was. Even little Plisetsky had to step in. Viktor was affected by his shortcomings. Yuri(o) was affected by his shortcomings. They weren't the first, and probably wouldn't be the last.

Voices swarmed in Yūri's head.

 _You're 23 years old, Katsuki, and a 15-year-old had to put you in your place._

 _Ha! Would you look at that. And who said age was just a number?_

 _Can't you see it yet? They don't want you around. They don't need you._

 _You know you won't win the competition, Katsuki, give up._

 _Just end it now. That's way easier, right?_

 _So much easier..._

 _Do it._

 _Do it._

 _ **DO IT!**_


	10. Chapter 9: Winning in His Own Way

Yuri's eyes filled with tears, his glasses fell off of his face, onto the ground.

He crossed his arm, his nails dug into them.

Heck.

Were the walls closing in on him? They had to be. Nobody else was there but him, and even when he was surrounded by people he felt loneliness etch into his very being. Nobody was around this time.

 _Ring._

What?

A blurred view of Yuri's room came into his vision.

 _Ring._

Yuri quickly grabbed his glasses from the ground, wiping his eyes as he rushed to pick up his phone.

"M-moshi moshi?"

"Yuri!" A familiar voice burst through the speaker, in English.

"Phichit-kun!" Yuri smiled. "I'm so glad you called." It was true, he couldn't have been happier for that interruption. "Wait- why did you call?"

"I don't know, really. I just-I had this _feeling_. I needed to call you. Are you ok, Yuri?"

"Y-" he hated lying to his best friend. Phichit would know something was up. "No, not really."

"Talk to me, Yuri. You can't keep it all locked up. I'll listen, always."

"Well, Viktor and Russian Yuri are here..."

Phichit laughed over the phone. "Everyone knows that by now!"

"Yes, and I'm just stressed out and really afraid. Things are so different at the moment, it's a bit much."

Phichit nodded, even though Yuri clearly couldn't tell. "I get it. You know, Yuri, I'm sure Viktor would love to hear what is bothering you as well. After all, he is going to be your coach."

Yuri blushed. "You don't know that! I could totally flop just like in the Grand Prix."

The Thai man scoffed. "Don't you dare compare this to that. Yuri, we are all so proud of you for making it to the Finals. Coming this far has been a significant accomplishment on its own. This little contest has higher stakes in you and the Russian Yuri's eyes, but that just means you can use all the determination and experience to win!"

"Thank you Phichit-kun. I really needed that."

"Now go out there and win your dream man!"

"P-Phichit-kun!"

The younger laughed. "Bu-bye now~."

Yuri sighed, "Goodbye."

The phone call ended and Yuri felt better. He nodded to himself. He had to win. He was going to win, even if he had to imagine freaking katsudon to do it!

( **A/N: I wrote this chapter and the last in one day so I'm** **pretty darn proud of myself. Also, the 'heck' part was supposed to be 'fuck' but I** **was writing it in the presence of other people and I** **was afraid they** **were gonna look [lol]. I'm** **keeping it as heck, though, it's funny.** )


	11. Chapter 10: Oh, It's Viktor

Ch 10

 **Viktor's POV**

I sat on the sand at the beach with Makkachin, petting him softly as we watched the waves flow in the ocean.

I was so excited to see Yūri again, the man I had fallen in love with on that fateful day during the banquet. He was so beautiful, so handsome as he danced on the dancefloor, even when he was grinding against a pole he looked amazing.

I came to Hasetsu to see that man again, and I was met with a less confident, chubby, cuter version of him. There was nothing wrong with that, though. He was a ball of anxiety and very private, but that made me just want to get closer to him. He had an excellent step sequnce, one that no one could ignore.

I really did want to coach him, and he didn't seem to remember any of the banquet. He was the one who told me to coach him! But that was ok, I could make him fall in love with me, I was sure. I knew he was already a huge fan of me. Mama Katsuki made sure of letting me know how much I meant to him.

Then Yurio came. Of course I had forgotten something back in Russia. The teen was as aggressive as normal, and I didn't know if my Yūri could handle that. The competition the triplets came up with was a coincidental way to get Yūri all to myself.

I didn't care about the media, or Yakov, or the other skaters. I just wanted to be with Yūri.

But now...now he is ignoring me. Every time he declined my invitations to go out in town, I couldn't help but get myself drunk. I thought, maybe, in that drunken state, I could imagine Yūri beside me.

It was recently that Yurio snapped in front of me.

 _"You dumb old man! When are you going to stop this nonsense! If that piggy has so much of an effect on you, then just tell him!"_

 _"How can I? He's just going to brush me away."_

 _"If you won't, then I will!"_

I wonder if he really did go talk to my Yūri.

I heard the sound of footsteps and light breathing behind me and turned to see Yūri jogging by.

I stood up rapidly, Makkachin following my lead. "Yūri!" I shouted.

His head snapped to me, surprised.

"Oh, Viktor."

I jogged up to him, a smile crept its way onto my face. "What are you doing here, Yūri~?"

He looked at his feet. "Ah, well, I just wanted to apologize."

"Apologize? For what?"

"For ignoring you. I was being inconsiderate. You came all this way to coach me, and I should really take your feelings into account. I'm really sorry." Yūri bowed, and my heart beat faster than usual.

"I forgive you, Yūri." How could I not?

"O-oh! Thank you so much, Viktor!"

"We should probably head back, huh?"

"No, wait." Yūri said. "Let's go walk around town."

I smiled. "Ya, that sounds perfect."

 **A/N: I've made a new fanfic, it's for The Haruhi Suzumiya series, it's called "God's Will and Mine". It's gay. That's all, thanks for reading, I need to go write the next chapter lol.**


	12. Chapter 11

Yūri POV

I was astounded. I, Katsuki Yuri, had just won not only Viktor's skating competition, but also Viktor.

I knew it sounded extremely possessive, but it was true. Viktor was officially my coach now.

Oh shit.

Viktor's my coach.

"You're going to make it to the Grand Prix...and you're going to win."

He had such high expectations for me and now that I won, he truly will believe in me and I'm just going to let him down!

"Yu~ri." My coach's angelic voice sang, calling my name and ripping me from my thoughts.

"Yes?"

"We should take a break," Viktor smiled. "How about we go into town? There's some food I wanted to try."

I wanted to throw up just hearing that, but I was so grateful for Viktor. I couldn't let him down now!

"Sure." I smiled.

-(line break)-

By the time we got back it was after noon and all of Yurio's stuff was gone.

"Oh, gone so soon?" Viktor sounded disappointed.

My phone buzzed and I looked to see a text Yūko sent me.

"Apperently he just went by Yūko's. He didn't even say goodbye to us."

"Yurio's so meaaaan." Viktor whined.

I laughed a little. "Hey, Viktor, I'm going to take a nap." I stretched. "All this competition stuff has me worn out."

"Alright my little piggy~ sweet dreams."

I would have been endeared by that, if only my brain didn't react so harshly to ' _piggy_ '. I gulped as I walked up to my room.

I'm gonna throw up for sure.

-(line break)-

 **A/N: For starters, I started writing this chapter a long time ago but school kicked my ass so I had to kick back! I'm happy to say I ended the year with 3 A's and 1 B (in my highschool we only have 4 classes per semester).**

 **I watched the entire YOI concert (not live ?) and it was pretty good.**

 **YOI MOVIE IS COMING 2019 Y'ALL! GET HYPED BITCHESSS!**

 **It's summer, and since I have 3 friends who all don't want to hang out with me, I'll be spending my time drawing and writing! My instagram (my main one anyways) is razors_n_gohan.**

 **I'm sorry the chapter is so short. If you have any ideas for further content plz review/comment/ pm me, don't be shy.**


	13. Chapter 12

Chapter 12: 止まらない

The voices, they won't stop.

They get louder and louder and no matter how many times I scream, no matter how hard I plug my ears, they won't stop.

Why won't they stop?

The hunger, it hurts but it's so satifying. I'm addicted to it.

I hate the hate, but I love the end result.

I eat less but I still gain.

I bleed more but I'm still breathing.

They won't accept me as I am.

They wouldn't accept me as I was.

Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.

They won't stop, I can't stop.

Someone shut them up.

I'm doing it- I'm getting better, skinnier.

They certainly can't hate me now.

I hate me, I hate me, I hate me.

Don't make me lunch, I'll definitely eat it.

Don't make me dinner- I'm not hungry.

I work through the pain.

Breakfast isn't an option anymore.

Food first thing in the morning? Are you joking?

The hate, I'll bleed it out.

It'll run down the drain just like water.

They can't see, they'd never understand.

I need to do this, I need this.

The voices, make them stop.

I need them, I need them to tell me-

I want to stop, I should stop.

I can stop when I'm perfect.

This isn't healthy-

It's perfectly fine and I'll be perfect, too.

Make it stop, make them stop.

I'm fine.

I'm fine.

Yes, yes. I'm definitely okay now.

I'm so, so, happy.


End file.
